Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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