i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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