If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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