why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
