Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
