Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
