dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm always down for nudity.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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