Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
