i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
