**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
