He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
