Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
