the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
