so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
