i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
