My girlfriend figured out who you are.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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