At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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