He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
