party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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