I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
