I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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