Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
