just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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