if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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