if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
