U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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