i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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