she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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