"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
