The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
