Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
