Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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