He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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