Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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