My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
