My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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