Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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