u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
