highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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