I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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