i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
