Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
