every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
