I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
