I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
