I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
