dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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