I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
