We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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