I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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