this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
