Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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