did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Randomize
