trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
