On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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